I've struggled over a week with what to write for this post. As most of you know my cousin passed away unexpectedly and needless to say we are all quite shocked and saddened. What was even more shocking to me is the way some people handled the news, both on Facebook and via private messages to me. What does this have to do with being first you ask, well let me explain what I meant by that. Facebook is a great tool to use in our culture to help, encourage, support etc. It can also be a way to attack people while faceless and cowardly. What I've also been seeing is the urge, the need to be first. First to comment, first to post, go viral, breaking news. Now while it is helpful to post things so people who may not get their news from other avenues see these posts, it is all too much. I ask you, is the need to be first worth the risk of destroying someone else's whole world. Here is where we curve back to my cousin and her passing. Some people on Facebook posted the news of my cousin's passing BEFORE her family was even notified of her death by the authorities. Now while I understand the need for some people to post absolutely every single thing that happens in their lives there should be some period of decorum, restraint, compassion that stops us from possibly breaking news to people that don't know it yet. How would you feel if it was you logging onto Facebook one afternoon to find out that your family member was dead or some other personal tragedy. Why have we turned into the culture of post first, breaking news, need to know everything now? What happened to just plain old sympathy, empathy and understanding in each others lives?
The other most popular question during this time was What Happened? Now I somewhat understand the question because she was young, it was unexpected, it was sudden. But seriously, does that help? Does that offer support or sympathy to the family? Do the details of their death somehow change the fact that she passed? For those who absolutely need to know: What happened is; parents lost their daughter. A little girl lost her mother. Siblings lost their sister. Aunts and Uncles lost their niece, that is the extent of what you need to know of what happened. We need to stop and think, take time to realize we don't need to be the one to break the news, to know the whole story, to get the inside scoop. All we need to do is be there for each other, say I'm sorry, ask how you can help. Remember that knowing the how, what, why, when doesn't change the pain their family is feeling. It doesn't bring them back.
Facebook can be a wonderful tool to bring people together, to make actions happen, to see results, but it can also be a hindrance with the need to be the first to publish something. The first to post, the first to like, the first to comment, the first. Sometimes being the first is not the best. If you don't know what to do in the situation, wait for official notice or obituary. If you don't see those see if a family member has acknowledged or posted. If they haven't posted about it, probably not a good idea for you to. If you don't know who a family member is to check this, you probably shouldn't post anything until it is official. There needs to be a way for families to grieve and still get support and sympathy without compromising the integrity of a loss as substantial as this.
Sometimes it is just better to be last.
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